Morgenstein.by Joseph Jobbins on 05/20/16
Weird, so this blog is only a little over two months old (I remember that I started it on St. Patrick's Day) and one of the things I hadn't decided on is who I imagine would it be "for". Who would even read it? Even theoretically. Because if I knew that it may change what I post. At this point, the only person I am imagining would not read it is LG. She's just not a blog-reading type.
So, in a way that frees me up to write down certain things, thoughts about what is going on with LG. To use this space to sort of just get some feelings off my chest. Like: the other day at the hospital (yesterday actually) while LG was getting administered the immunotherapy drug I had an impulse to find Dr. Morgenstein and corner him. I was envisioning taking him aside, looking him straight in the eye and asking him to level with me about what he thinks is going on with LG. In other words, what her chances are. I don't know-- part of me thinks that is a very necessary and even understandable and natural thing for me to do. Then a part of me was thinking: No, of course Dr. Morgenstein is telling LG directly -- already -- everything he thinks. But then another part of me thought that may simply not be true. If he really thought -- in his experienced medical opinion -- that death was surely in the cards for LG he may very well hide behind a policy of always saying to her "well we don't know, we just have to see, everybody reacts differently, etc. etc.", at least as far as how he comes off to LG. Because so far that has been his attitude. But is he really thinking something else? How would any oncologist behave in such a situation? Would he be more "direct" and/or "honest" with me if I took him aside and pleaded with him not to pull any punches. I may have to try next hospital visit.
In the meantime, this morning I am going in to see my own primary care physician, will have blood taken for an A1C test. I have not been feeling very well. It is ironic that this new doctor I have, Maxine Orris, came at the recommendation of that guy Dan, who totally jerked me around for a year and a half on the Marilyn project. Though I may still do something on my own with that, something not related to Milo Speriglio's book.
Trying to get James and Bob to start communication soon. Bob is at Ealing today, the last major British film studio left. Pinewood, Elmtree, Boreham -- they've all gone under but Ealing Studios is still there. I think that is where they filmed those early "Ealing comedies" like The Ladykillers and The Lavender Hill Mob, with Alec Guiness.
At the hospital yesterday there was an elderly woman there, being given some medication for a blood condition she has. We got to talking. She has a German accent and she told me she came to America in 1957. I asked her how she likes America and she told me that nobody is happy here. It used to be nicer, she said, but now people are all just mean to each other and cut off from each other, their noses buried in their cell phones, and they are miserable.
She said I had beautiful eyes. How nice.
When I told her I wasn't feeling well she said to just get rid of whatever is causing me stress. Just drop it.